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Sunday, July 1, 2012

Numbers game

A recent conversation with a friend on the recovery road of an eating disorder had me thinking.

She explained her past eating habits were dependent on what number she saw on the scale in the morning.  I encouraged her and made a comment that it can often be mentally tough when we are getting healthy and "the numbers" don't match up to what our idea of healthy is. As we parted ways I thought about my comment and wondered if I truly took it to heart.

THAT EVENING, after a week of vacation I jumped on the scale ~ 7 pounds OVER where I was when I left. Discouraged, disappointed, not understanding how this could be, I lay in bed waiting for morning so I could get out and run....

Morning came and my run was plain AWEFUL!

-Beating myself up the entire run, certain my struggle was because of the 7 pounds.
-Gasping for air, I ONLY ran 2 miles.
-My goal had been to run a solid 4 miles-disappointed AGAIN.
-My pace was a pitiful 10.35min miles.
-Current runs have been around 9.28min miles-disappointed AGAIN.


Numbers floated around and around in my head...

As I stepped on the scale later that morning-to my surprise I weighed in 2 pounds lighter than my pre-vacation weigh in, and it was then that I realized I was giving the numbers much more power than they actually had.

As a runner, I often allow the numbers to rule.  Be it my mileage, my weight, my pace, etc. The joy I feel while running is diminished when I let the numbers rule.

Today (in 100degree weather) I chose to ignore the numbers and just run. It was an 8.3mile run that I enjoyed from start to finish!

P.S. The numbers will always be there~it's my choice to let them make or break me!

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