I lost my sister 3 weeks ago. My sister was an addict.
Those are very painful things for me to say.
Today I ran to clear my head, work toward healing, get frustrations out...etc.
I wasn't looking for answers, there aren't any really. I wasn't looking for peace or clarity or any other healing type moment.
Passing under a bridge on a familiar greenway path, I stopped to look at the water. When I turned to get back on the path this is what I saw.
I do not feel hopeless, but in that moment I felt my sisters pain and the pain of so many around us.
When I run I choose routes based on my needs, desire, strength, determination for that day. Today I purposely chose a route with a strong downhill mile 1, completely flat mile 2 and uphill mile 3.
I wanted the challenge at the end.
I wanted to feel free, easy and accomplished at the start and struggling and working hard at the end. I didn't want it to be easy to finish-I
wanted needed to see if I had what it took to finish strong.
The run was good. I accomplished what I set out to. No great healing, no great revelations. But hopeless kept ringing in my head all day.
I don't think I will ever do anything grand to help anyone who struggles with feelings of hopelessness or despair, but as I ran further away from the word hopeless, I realized something. I realized that I will continue to run and in running I hope to encourage anyone around me who will listen to get outside, to move, to experience, to love, to be, to enjoy, to hope. One by one maybe I can help change that one word to hope.